Before I had my daughter Maezy, I was a critic. I could observe a situation and say, I would do it THIS way. For example, I will not negotiate with a toddler. I was so confident I would stick to my guns. I genuinely believed that with enough love, structure, and intellectual prep, parenting would be manageable.
I recall being in a grocery store and seeing a mom with a screaming baby in the child seat in the cart, and a toddler tossing a box of Fruit Loops on the ground insisting on it. The mother looked nearly catatonic. Her movements were slow and deliberate as she picked up the cereal and put it back on the shelf. Then she proceeded to the checkout. Likely she had not finished her list. I thought, my gosh, did you not plan nap time around this outing?
Then, my reality checks started.
For the first few years of with Maezy and Nelson, I grocery shopped at the best parts of their day, when possible. I would hurry through, so I didn’t have to deal with a diaper change, a bottle feeding, or a meltdown. I was now that same exhausted mother.
I usually started like this: “You can pick one treat. That is it.”
The grocery store meltdown!
And, the negotiations that follow!
By Aisle 3, Maezy already had four hand selected items in her kid cart.
By Aisle 5, she was done pushing her plastic cart.
By the freezer case, I was negotiating with her about a box of ice cream treats. “Well, then you have to put the fruit snacks back.”
Are their any Moms out there that can relate?
Did I parent with consistency? Sure did! I consistently let a 3 year old talk me into ice cream treats and keep the fruit snacks too. It was the path of least resistance. I was trying to get through the experience and knew when I got home there would be an entire back end of the minivan full of groceries that needed to be unpacked, then lunch, and also start the third load of laundry.
Delusional confidence didn’t stop there. With each stage, I recognize, what I had in my head was not how it was likely to go. I had to shift from "I've got this all figured out" to "I am figuring this out as I go" . It was a necessary part of my parenting journey.
To anyone out there still in the delusional confidence phase: enjoy it! And to everyone currently in the trenches realizing it’s much harder than you ever thought you are not alone, and you are doing just fine.
In the book, Whac-A-Mole Parenting, one of the core concepts revolves around delusional confidence vs. reality. Most parents start with strict rules and perfect ideals. Reality quickly corrects these expectations, proving that wisdom is only gained through trial and error!
Enjoyed this article? Find more humor, heart, and solidarity for the wild ride of raising humans inside my book, Whac-A-Mole Parenting. It’s the perfect companion for your bedside table when the house is finally quiet.
